Lauren Alex

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My first year of university

SO I have officially finished my first year of uni. 1/3 done. Ew, but anyway it’s been quite mad and my experience has been wildly different to everyone else’s this year because of the nature of my course + Covid. However I thought I would reflect on the expectations I had and anything about this year that took me by surprise.

So the first thing that I was worried about was accommodation. I got my 4th choice of halls, which was the cheapest halls the uni offered (£89 a week if you’re curious) and I was pretty nervous about it. I had put the 6 cheapest as my choices, all non en-suite and single bed rooms, but didn’t massively want the shittest looking one. But that’s what I got and HONESTLY I cannot stress enough that it doesn’t matter. You will make any room yours no matter how ugly the carpets and curtains are, and trust me they’ll be ugly. You might be set on an en-suite which is fair enough, but shared bathrooms really aren’t that bad. You have to share a kitchen anyway so it’s hard to completely avoid people. But once you get some stuff stuck on the fridge and a couple of pictures up you will be surprised how homey they feel. And homey is much nicer than scared about marking all the bright white walls.

Something that was more of a struggle than I thought was not the actual cooking and making food nice, but you pretty much can only buy things to make like 4/5 portions worth (for me anyway) and FUCK did I get bored of eating the same thing over and over again. Like even every other day I would just look at the meal for the 3rd time that week and be bored. I don’t really have a solution for it because it’s the most cost effective way to shop but yanno, I guess it’s just a warning??? Chilli does get boring no matter what you eat it with I’m afraid.

Money is something that’s different for everyone, no matter your background, the size of your maintenance loan, how much help you get from your parents, everyone will have different budgets and priorities. And it’s really tricky to not feel like you’re doing it wrong or spending too much and that was something I definitely didn’t anticipate having to stress about. But my advice is to not worry about it too much. Personally I didn’t budget because I knew I wouldn’t stick to it and that would just stress me out. You figure out very quickly how much money you spend on food, some weeks will be busier and you’ll spend more, others you’ll hardly spend anything. Get used to doing things differently to your friends, and especially to saying no and sticking to it (as much as you want that Nando’s, I know it’s hard).

That’s just a few things I thought of while reflecting on first year. Basically just do ya thang, you’ll find your people, my friends from freshers are still my bestest friends now despite what people say. Enjoy it, don’t go home too often, get drunk n have fun.

More uni content on the way loves xxxxx see you next time

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Another skincare review…

If you don’t want to spend money don’t read this. Stop now. Go back while you still can. I had another fuck it moment and spent *quite* a lot of money on some more skincare bits. And yes I actually REALLLLLY needed them and it was a very important purchase. But a lot of these I’ve wanted to try for a while and they really haven’t been a let down.

I’ve used the same first cleanse for agesss and was in the market for a new one. I was looking at a few pricey ones and then came across this one, which is £12 for 200ml (and is on offer in Boots quite a lot). Firstly it smells amazingggg, really orangey and fresh. And more importantly it WORKS, very well actually. Takes all grime and make up off but leaves my skin feeling nice and nourished, refreshed and not stripped. I don’t have particularly sensitive skin so the fragrance doesn’t bother me but it might be something to bear in mind if it normally upsets your skin.

Ummmmm so these are the things that bumped up the cost of my order by… umm… £62????? I knowww that is crazy money on some tiny little capsules but holy heck they’re a bit life changing. You get 60 capsules and I won’t use them everyday so they will last a long time, but when I do the glow is intense. It’s a vitamin C serum which is an antioxidant so helps with skin appearance, sun damage, scarring and things like that. It’s the first time I’ve used vitamin C, it’s more of an oily serum which I loooove (oily people don’t let oil based products scare you they are lovely) and again it smells insane. It’s actually really handy having them in individual capsules because vitamin c oxidises so quickly and becomes useless so that doesn’t happen with this one. Anyone and everyone can use vitamin c so if you want to treat yourself it is a lovely lovely product.

I’ve seen such good things about this mist and it doesn’t disappoint. Smells lush and really hydrates. My main thing with sprays is the bottle. It’s just rude when a spray is aggressive and is literally a jet instead of a mist, like I might as well just go and stand in the rain. This one is a lovely fine mist but you can still feel it on your face. I actually think I’m allergic to something in a lot of mists, because so many I try really irritate my eyes so hopefully this one doesn’t end up doing that.

Jordan Samuel Skin After Show Treatment Cleanser – £20

Again, another product I got influenced to buy. But it’s good. So so good. This feels insaaane when you start massaging it in, like the softest thing I’ve ever felt. Also smells amazing I can’t even describe it. This is a morning cleanse/second cleanse for me and they do do a bigger size which I will invest in when the time comes. This really feels like a luxury product but doesn’t break the bank, so if you want a treat I reallyyyyy recommend this.

Superdrug Glycolic Cleansing Pads – £6.99

This is my first use of glycolic acid so I didn’t want to splash out in case my skin didn’t like it. I use these in alternation with my Paula’s Choice BHA Liquid to get the best of both acids and I am really enjoying it. It actually feels really gentle on the skin, not at all drying or irritating but gives my skin a really nice subtle glow. I think this is a great starter acid that would be good for most skin types, the only way you can go wrong with acids is abusing them and overuse but they’re a much better way to exfoliate your skin. And for £6.99 you can’t really go wrong!

So these are all my news bits and bobs, I’m sure there will be another post like this in the future. Hopefully not too soon. Tell me off please if it’s too soon. I hope you’ve found it interesting and hopefully I’ve convinced you to spend money so I don’t have to feel bad about splashing out anymore!

See you next time!x

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Pride & The Stonewall Riots

So June is Pride month, a globally celebrated event which brings a lot of people a lot of joy and allows them to express themselves. And it’s important and it has a very important history. With everything going on at the moment I thought it would be important for me to research, lots of different things, but I wanted to write a post and share what I’ve learnt about the Stonewall Riots. Riots allowed pride, riots got women the vote, riots happening today can give black people the voice, rights and life they deserve. If you celebrate pride you should support these protests.

Post war America saw a lot of reformations to try and restore pre-war social order. This involved deeming a lot of groups and behaviours as ‘un-american’. This included communists, anarchists and gay and lesbian women to mention some. This caused 1000’s of people to get fired, or not get jobs on suspicion of being gay. The FBI kept a list of known homosexuals and their whereabouts, and would perform ‘sweeps’ to remove gay people from public places. In 1952 homosexuality was listed as a mental health disorder in the DSM, where it remained until 1974. This started some riots and protests in resistance before Stonewall happened.

Stonewall Inn, Manhattan. No liquor license to prevent disorderly behaviour from gay people. No running water behind the bar. No fire exits. Funded and owned by the Mafia. But allowed dancing, which many bars did not. And one of the first to welcome drag queens. Engaging in ‘gay behaviour’ publicly was illegal, so tip off were normally given about police raids so people could stop dancing, dispose of drinks etc. When the police came they would check ID’s, and anyone suspected to be in drag would have their sex checked by a female officer. If they were in drag they were detained.

June 28 1969. A police raid happened. They arrested people with alcohol, pushed people about and kicked people out. But people were fed up with it, so refused to show their ID, wouldn’t reveal if they were in drag or not. People were lingering around the entrance, the crowd growing bigger. At one point a police officer hit a woman, and forced her into a police van. She shouted to the crowd to act, so they did. They began throwing bottles, pennies, stones, anything they could find at the police. The crowds grew more violent, and largely outnumbered the police so they couldn’t control them. Police vans were overturned, tyres slashed, throwing items at the building. Eventually after 13 arrests the streets were cleared. But the riots carried on the next night, and continued for around a week. They gained press coverage and spread awareness of their cause.

Stonewall did not start the gay rights movement, but massively catalysed the formation of many more gay rights groups. A year after, June 28 1970, these groups and many others marched from The Stonewall Inn, through Manhattan. The first gay pride parade.

Marsha P. Johnson, a black trans woman, threw the first brick and Storme DeLarverie, a black lesbian woman, threw the first points. Both of which are gay rights figures everyone should know the names of.

These protests allow people to have freedom. Voices get heard. We as women only have the right to vote because of riots by other women years ago. Don’t get angry about the riots happening now when you are benefitting from riots that happened before you were born. This is just what I have learnt about Stonewall but I would gladly accept any information you have regarding this or any other important events. Use this time to educate yourself and spread your knowledge! Thank you so much for reading I hope you found it interesting.

See you next time x

Re-Shop your wardrobe!

I am the worst for wearing the same 3 outfits on rotation and buying clothes really similar to ones I already have. I recently looked through my clothes to clear out some for depop, which was great, and any that haven’t sold after a while of being on there I gave away to charity shops etc. But I think it’s really important to look through what you have with a fresh pair of eyes.

Get out all your clothes you haven’t worn for a while (for me 6 months to a year depending on if it’s a bit more fancy/different season). I like to try and pair things either with each other or with my favourite clothes to try and get some inspiration. Obviously if it’s the wrong size it’s probably time to say goodbye (unless you’re handy with adjusting which I am NOT). If you can find an outfit you like it in keep it for a while but remember it for later to check I’ve you’ve actually worn it or not six months down the line. Also, just try on outfits that might seem a bit weird, you might make a great discovery even if it doesn’t seem right in your head.

I think this is so important to try and do to stop the culture of buying a new outfit for every occasion. You can literally make a whole new outfit with what you’ve got. And if you like the outfit and look good in it just fucking wear it???? I’ll rewear outfits for EVER if I like it.

Both of these items I hadn’t worn for a while, but paired I think they would be great for lots of occasions (could be worn with different shoes etc)

This T-shirt was my dads which he donated to me and I love so much, but haven’t reached for it for a while. I hadn’t tried wearing it with a skirt but I think oversized t shirts with midi skirts are SUCH a look.

This polo shirt I bought off Depop a few years ago and I love it, but again stopped reaching for it as it always ended up in boring outfits. These trousers were really different for me and have proven very versatile as a lightweight trouser, and went really nicely with this shirt to revamp it.

And the same shirt with a cute vintage tennis skirt I haven’t worn for a while!

This is just some examples of outfits I’ve really been loving since ‘re-shopping my wardrobe’, and for me a lot of it has been the confidence to wear something a bit different, but I did it and loved it!

I think it’s important to not think it’s completely sustainable to buy from depop/charity shops ALL the time. Obviously it’s better than buying brand new, and especially not buying from fast fashion brands, however it’s still accumulating clothes. The best thing is to wear what you’ve got to the max and then buy second hand when you really need to! But I know that’s a reach and everyone loves buying new stuff but it’s something to have in the back of your mind I guess.

Let me know if you rediscover any funky fits that I can gets inspo from!

See you next time!x

A few mini book reviews

As I’ve said MANY times on my blog, I’m not a massive reader. I was when I was a child and then it kind of felt a bit of a chore as I got older. Over lockdown I’ve been able to read a little bit more. I thought I’d share what I’ve really enjoyed reading. The main thing I’ve found is I’ve really fallen in love with fiction again. I can’t think of the last time I properly enjoyed a fiction book, so that’s been a nice change.

The Prison Doctor – Dr Amanda Brown

This is a non-fiction book about a GP doctor who left her local town’s practice and started working as a doctor in prisons (just a slight career change). She explains her experiences in a juvenile prison, men’s prison and women’s prison. It is by far one of the most interesting, heart breaking and honest books I’ve ever read. For me it’s the perfect crossover between two areas/careers I’ve always had an interest in. Everything medicine fascinates me as I plan to work for the NHS myself, and crime/prison and everything surrounding that area has always been something I’ve been obsessed with too. If you have similar interests to me I’m sure you’d love this book. Also really interesting to hear from a woman’s perspective, as you can imagine how daunting it would be to work in a men’s prison for a female.

Normal People – Sally Rooney

So fucking everyone has read this book and there seems to be no in between with it? You are either obsessed or completely underwhelmed. Me? Not OBSESSED… just want to move to Ireland and marry Connell or Marianne or Lorraine and restart my life. But no seriously I found the whole story line the perfect balance between relaxing and tense and literally is just ‘normal people’ living their lives but I was so invested as them as people. As many other people I loved the portrayal of male mental health, I think it was subtle but at the same time a statement and unapologetic. I had the perfect balance of hating different characters and loving and feeling for them at the same time. I don’t even know how to explain it I just loved it.

The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

I was weirdly nervous to read this book because it was a text on the English A Level course, but everyone raved about it and I was intrigued. This was another book that I have loved. I know it’s a classic and I get it now, all the themes it explores are so interesting. I found it took a bit of time to get used to at first, with the switching between time and stuff but it’s easy to sink into the style. I also found it weirdly humorous, some of the bluntness and expressions the author uses really make me laugh. I feel like I’m really not equipped to go fully in detail about the politics and history, but I love the book and I really recommend.

Normally at the end of review style blog post I’d say send me your recommendations but this time please do not do that I have a disgustingly long TBR pile as it is, and I don’t even read that much. But thanks for reading this and your thoughts on ant of these would most definitely be welcome.

See you next time!x

Half year update

So we’re six months into the year. And half of that we’ve been in lockdown, which has kind of ruined a fair amount of my plans, but also allowed me to do so many things I know I wouldn’t have achieved without it. I wrote a blog post at the start of the year with my goals for 2020 and I wanted to note down everything I have done so far. I think it’s good to help refocus to address and be happy about the things you have done and the things yet to come.

So main thing I guess is I got into uni?????? I actually did it. I’m so chuffed. I worked hard and went through a lot of shit and still managed it and I’m so happy about it. It’s a thing I’ve done and still yet to come. Obviously might be affected by the shit storm that is this year, but I’m hopeful I can still have a normal first year.

One thing I had set out to do is read more books, which if I had just finished one book I’d be up 100%, and that I have done. I’ve read a few actually. I think what I’ve realised is I’m super super picky, which is why I struggle with reading because I’m just not reading the right thing. At some point I’ll write a post about all the books I’ve read and enjoyed during lockdown. To some it maybe a pathetic the amount but I’m still happy with it.

Another major thing lockdown has helped me with is money and savings. I was trying to save a bit, but it wasn’t really enough, and at the rate I was going I’d hardly have anything to take to uni. But from being inside I haven’t spent so much (on food, like did I need to go and buy a coffee and starbar before every shift but I did and it drained my bank lolllll) other than some online orders. But also the situation means summer is cancelled which is shit, but I don’t have to fork out for festival tickets and holidays and stuff which is also saving me a lot.

Travel is unlikely to happen. I know they’re allowing holidays next week but I really don’t feel comfortable getting on a plane and sharing swimming pools with loads of people. And there probably won’t be many gigs for the rest of the year which is also a bit gutting. These are things I wanted to do but probably won’t be able to, but understandably and for the best.

And I’ve been fully back on the blog game! With writing and pictures and content. I hit 1000 followers on insta a while back (laurenalexblogs) and it’s been a great way to keep some focus and put some effort and energy into.

Considering the pandemic, I’m actually pretty happy with how the first half of my year has gone. It’s been hard not seeing friends and loved ones but everyyyyone is in the same boat. And overall I think I will gain a lot of things from lockdown, I’ve really upped my fitness routine and I’m a lot more regular and consistent and seeing the impact of it, I’ve just had time to chill and work on myself and sort my shit out. Don’t put yourself down because you haven’t ticked off loads of countries on your bucket list, or missed out on a proper birthday. Things like that will come around again and you’ll appreciate them even more.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this little update, let me know some things you’ve cracked in the last six months and what is still to come for you!

See you next time x

My ultimate wind down routine

So much has been going on at the moment which has caused a lot of anxiety, the thought of going back to normal life is also causing a lot of people similar feelings. Some people have had an intense and very busy past three months, and some people are just about to return to work. And also everyone deserves a good pamper, you should take time for yourself! I thought I’d talk you through how my evening goes when I want to fully relax and leave a busy day or week behind.

1. Tidy

For some people this might be weird but honestly it’s the best. I can’t lie I do enjoy tidying up, but it’s so good for clearing your mind, getting rid of any distractions and allowing you to fully enjoy your space. Put your clothes away, tidy the kitchen, get rid of your clutter. Just get it done so you can get on with the rest of your evening.

2. Have dinner

For me this is a HUGE thing when I want to set the tone for a nice evening, so whack out your comfort foods. I would normally go for jacket potato or macaroni cheese. Something like that. Just something warm and satisfying. What ever takes your fancy and makes you feel good after eating it.

3. Get the tunes on

I always have a bit of a lone boogie in my room when I feel down. It’s my ultimate form of selfcare can’t lie. Nothing feels better than pretending you’re Beyoncé or someone after a shit day. Like who doesn’t want to feel that powerful. Throw yourself about a bit and release any tension, use up some energy and I promise it will put a smile on your face. As Chris from skins said ‘I think, like, dancing is like the best thing in the world, yeah, because it makes you healthy like in your body but it also makes your head better too’. He was high and trying to seduce his teacher but I fully agree with what he said.

4. Shower (or bath)

I have recently come to the conclusion that I don’t really enjoy baths anymore. I just sweat and sit awkwardly and feel weird if I am not doing something. But showers still make me feel warm and I find them so relaxing but I don’t feel like I’m marinating in my own grime. So after a hair wash and a scrub and a shave I get out and fully oil myself head to toe. Lovely facial oils on my face, some or hydrate my hair and some to fully moisturise my body and then put on my comfies.

5. Tea & chocolate

A good cup of tea and some dairy milk solves a lot of my problems. I just love chocolate so much everytime I eat it I just stare at it and say how much I love it. Or your beverage and snack of choice of course.

6. Sleep

I like to listen to a TV show or podcast or something to drift of to sleep. And it is important to catch up while you have the time (I say writing this at a stupid time at night) BUT it is so good to feel fully rested.

Hopefully you can make yourself time this coming week to have a full wind down evening. It’s so refreshing and completely worth the extra time. Let me know what extra things you would add in or things I could try out in the future! Thanks for reading.

See you next time! x

Long Distance Relationships

SO in September most of my friends and my boyfriend moved away to university, and I stayed at home. Obviously I was really happy for everyone, but also it was really shit and the worst time of my life. No offence to my friends. But it was a completely new situation and a lot to adjust to. For a good few months it felt hard and awkward and almost like no one knew where they stood with people? To be honest I had a lot of shit going on then too, so I probably wasn’t as active as I should have been in my friendships. On reflection and after getting used to it, I’ve come up with my top tips of being in long distance relationships, friends, partners, whatever. I think the principles work for all.

– Allow an adjusting period

Don’t start it off thinking your friendship will be the exact same just over the phone. You’re doing such different things and there are massive lifestyle shifts between you, so it’s hard to settle into a new routine for the first part. You have to kind of learn how to fit in with each other. Understand that you might go a bit longer without talking, conversations might feel more static and awkward but it will become much more natural over time. So give it that time.

– It’s not a competition

So we’ve established your lives might be quite different by now, and I think it’s key to not boast about everything you’re doing, but also not zone out and ignore things that you can’t relate to. I definitely found it hard when people would JUST talk about uni, when that was where I wanted to be but wasn’t. And I think people assumed nothing was going on in my life because I was still at home, so I didn’t really get asked. But conversations were better and more enjoyable when you actively listened and asked questions. I know it seems obvious but I think it’s so easy to let jealousy over what you had before/what you want in the future to make you want to dissociate and remove yourself from the conversation. And if people aren’t asking you, just bring it up. It makes people realise you still exist.

– Make yourself at home

When you feel ready, go and visit people. And when you’re there, make yourself at home in their home. Sink back into your normal routine with them. It will make future conversations easier because you can relate. You can understand their environment and picture things in your head. It made such a difference to me once I’d met people’s friends, been in their homes and new cities. You become involved and the separate worlds collide and things are not so different anymore. Even one visit can make things so much easier afterwards.

This is just my experience with long distance relationships and how looking back on it these were the best ways to deal with it. I wish I’d prepared myself a bit more for the change, but now I’m moving to uni in September I kind of feel like this year has prepared me a bit for living far from home. I know it will still be hard but I sort of know how to approach adjusting to it. But yeah just thought I’d jot this down not just for other people but for my future self to remind me not to stress about losing people. True friends always stick around whether you chat everyday or not.

See you next time! x

Building your skincare routine

Back onto my favourite topic! I love skincare and I want to write about it. There is a lot with skincare. Techniques, ingredients, orders. It can actually be quite confusing. First world problems eh? I am by NO means an expert this is just what I know from my own research. A lot of people don’t really know where to start with getting a routine and where things go at what time so I thought I’d make this an easy little cheat sheet with a few places to start.

To start with, double cleansing. You want to start with a balm or oil based cleanser, followed by a milk or cream cleanser. No make up wipes. If you own them please put them in the bin quite swiftly. Micellar water isn’t ideal but it does work, so if you can get a more oil based one to help the make up/spf break down better that’s great, but it still needs to be washed off after. Any day you wear make up and/or spf you should double cleanse, and then any other day a single will do.

Also a note on eye creams, bring them way way forward into your routine. Like, the first thing after cleansing and toning. It acts as a barrier to protect your thinner eye skin from actives.

Speaking of actives, something great to add into your routine is acids. You could go for some sort of exfoliating acid, AHA’s or BHA’s. An AHA (alpha hydroxy acid) is a sort of surface exfoliant. Normally comes as glycolic and lactic acid. They’re great for scarring, brightening skin and ageing. BHA’s (beta hydroxy acid – what a coincidence) such as salicylic acid help by exfoliating deeper into your pores, helping get rid of congestion and blackheads.

Other none exfoliating acids are also great. A good starter is hyaluronic, as long as you use it with moisturiser. It draws moisture deep in your skin, but if it doesn’t have a product to draw from it’ll just draw it out of your skin. A lot of people are familiar with niacinamide as a great product for acne prone skin. Some slightly stronger ones for ageing and pigmentation would be vitamin c (ascorbic acid) and vitamin a (retinol). Acids aren’t scary they’re great and the best place to be getting good quality skincare. Just do your research to make sure you’re not buying anything too strong or anything that clashes and becomes ineffective with what you’re currently using.

Get yourself a good moisturiser. Even oily skins need moisture, just nothing overly thick obviously. I really like ones that focus on soothing as well as moisturising just because they feel lovely over the top of acids. If you have drier skin it can be good to top up moisture throughout the day either with the cream or a lighter mist which can go over make up. Day time obviously needs spf over the top, which also needs to be reapplied every two or so hours. At least 30 or 50 broad spectrum (UVA and UVB) all year round. If it’s light out there are sun rays about so it kind of is a must, key for anti ageing, pigmentation and obviously skin cancer.

If you have any questions about skincare please do let me know, I’m happy to share as much of my relatively limited knowledge as needed! I’ve bought some new products recently too so I’ll be back with another review at some point.

See you next time x

Mental Health Awareness Week

Obviously I’m not a specialist, so everything I say is based off personal experience and my psychology A Level. This might ramble and make no sense but it’s something I’ve wanted to write about for a while. I don’t even really know if it fits in to mental health awareness but it seems a more appropriate opportunity than any other.

Everyone has their struggles. I’ve had periods of low mood and motivation. Bouts of anxiety. Getting overly nervous about things like getting the bus, going to work, social events. Things I’ve done for years and months that start to become a big deal all of a sudden. But that’s something that’s grown with me and over time you learn how to deal with in a way that suits you. And everything I’ve just said probably every person who reads this has experienced something similar. It’s normal. It’s almost routine, for me at least.

So this is where I don’t know where this fits in, as in this blog post but also in the routine that is general anxieties. I guess I’m lucky enough to say I’d never experienced grief before. Maybe a little naïve about it. Can you be naïve about something if it’s not possible to experience it until it happens? Anyway. I thought it would be sadness. Crying, generally feeling low, remembering, and life goes on with a little missing chunk.

Losing someone to suicide wasn’t something I thought I’d go through. I think most people would assume ‘not my family’. I think I did. That was definitely a naïve thing to do. The grief was not how I imagined. It was feeling everything and nothing at the same time. Very overwhelmed and angry but feeling very empty and exhausted. A lot of circles, a lot of wanting to protect people around me who were hurt while I myself was hurting as equally. All these new strong sensations while I go about my daily life. It was just before Christmas that it happened. I went back to work, I went to my Christmas do, we had the funeral, and a week later we had our Christmas day. Different to say the least. Did my fair share of crying and hugging and guilt feeling. I think the guilt was the main thing I wasn’t expecting. Not so much guilt with what I could’ve done, but what I was doing. Going on a night out about a month later was so guilt ridden. It was hard to get on with life because it felt like leaving it behind. Leaving them behind. A fair amount of my friends don’t know any of this happened, I didn’t want to bother anyone. It’s unnatural to bring up in conversation so I didn’t.

A lot of these feelings still come and go quite randomly. Weird things that trigger those emotions, then things I’d expect to create them just cause me to smile, and think of some fond memories. And it’s manageable. It is slowly becoming routine. So I don’t want to say it gets better because that very shit thing still happened and it’s still painful and it will always be part of me. It just gets easier. It will always be a part of me, so I was wrong about a missing chunk, I’ve gained something. I’ve gained a chunk.